on the metro

going to work on my own everyday, 8 hours a day, it has slowly become a routine. im alone a lot of time during commute, people around usually seem really quiet, and i think i began to think a lot about different things. im not sure if this is a good thing, though i realized things that i didnt know before. before i began on that, just want to mention an interesting observation from my commute. i have actually seen many people read their bible on the way to and from work. and they are not just reading it, i have seen them actually highlighting verses, meditating on them. so now, im trying to do that too, though i tend to fall asleep most of the time on metro because its too quiet.

lately, i have been thinking about the broken relationship from last post a lot. i still remember how we both agreed that it seemed like that we've known each other longer than it actually is back in the days, but now, it seems like that isnt true anymore because to be honest, i really dont think i know you anymore, i dont know what you are thinking or how you think, not to mention how we dont even talk anymore. i know we agreed that we should try our best to make it back to normal, but i just cant help but to remember the hurt and pain i feel inside, even to this day. i guess that leads to the second thing. i said that i forgave you when you said you were sorry about what you've done, but i think i havent really forgiven you deep in my heart, because of the hurt i feel inside, i think i still hold grudges against you for that. im just not sure how to go about this, maybe im just being stubborn. please pray for a change of heart for me.

and then i came across these verses from psalm 31:9-10, 23-24:

...Be graious to me, O LORD, for I am in distress;
my eye is wasted from grief;
my soul and my body also.
For my life is spent with sorrow,
and my years with sighing;
my strength fails because of my iniquity, and my bones waste away.....
...Love the LORD, all you his saints!
The LORD preserves the faithful but abundantly repays the one who acts in pride.
Be strong and let your heart take courage, all you who wait for the LORD!


i have read this psalm before. i think it was about a year ago, probably experiencing similar circumstances, where i really just wanted to give up because of how things have turned out, which wasnt what i was expected. but in this psalm, david talked about how he was in distress, in grief, in sorrow, and his strength has failed because of iniquity. i think im kind of going through similar things as he describes, i feel distress, grief, sorrow about things that have been going on, wanting to give up because i think i had enough of that. but at the end of the psalm, it encourages me a lot because God will preserve the faithful, the ones who hold onto His promises and commands, continuing to love Him, seek Him and serve Him. i need to dwell in Gods words every minute of my life, at least meditate on them like those people on the metro.

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