i would probably be the last person who would enjoy reading books. seriously. i never really enjoyed reading books, and that includes reading the Bible. as a "leader" at church and kcm, i am ashamed to say that i havent been keeping up in reading my Bible for the past couple months. i have been struggling so much with having the desire for God's Word, and the craziest thing is that somehow i was able to refer and recite scriptures when i was counseling/advising my younger siblings in Christ. every time when that happened, i know and realize that there was no way those words came out from my own head, on my own accord, but rather the Holy Spirit who dwells in me who spoke through me. i felt convicted and ashamed. here am i trying to help others, advise them to dig deeper into the Word, yet i am not doing the same.
but that doesnt matter. what im trying to say is that just because we are reading the Bible everyday doesnt necessarily mean that we know God. my mindset as i was struggling through was that maybe if i read more i would regain that desire again, somehow. that did not happen. i was frustrated and disappointed. i wish i can do something, anything, just to have that desire again. at about the same time, this friend of mine from hk told me about his struggling in believing and trusting that God has saved him, that He is there for him all these time. i want to help him but im not sure how, and for some reason, i looked on my bookshelf, scanning through all these books that i havent touched, and found the prodigal God by tim keller. i finished it in 2 days, feeling so convicted throughout.
just a brief summary about the book, tim keller focused on the parable of the prodigal son (or he called it "the parable of two lost son)", discussed about the prodigal act of the father does to the two sons who are both essentially the same. though one is clearly rebellious with outrageous sins, the other is equally rebellious by carefully following and obeying the laws in order to gain something from the father except the father. everyone is either the obvious rebellious son or the subtly rebellious son. our original selves do not desire God, do not love God.
i was the old rebellious son, trying to follow the rules closely, hoping that somehow i can gain something from God, but i did not love Him, i did not understand His love for His children, i was the one who complains "why didnt i have that same desire as before? i have been doing so much, trying so hard to get it!" i forgot the true meaning of grace, and how it was manifested through the cross. here is an excerpt from the cross centered life by c.j. mahaney, capturing the essence of the true meaning of the cross:
Isaiah gives us the answer.
Who killed Jesus?
God did. God the Father was ultimately responsible for the death of His Son. God is telling us, " I purposefully determined to crush My Son with My wrath -- for your sins, as your substitute."
Why?
"Because I love you."
When you're tempted to doubt God's love for you, stand before the cross and look at the wounded, dying, disfigured Savior, and realize why He is there. I believe His Father would whisper to us, "Isn't that sufficient? I haven't spared My own Son; I deformed and disfigured and crushed Him -- for you. What more could I do to persuade you that I love you?"
That's how far God's love goes.
do we understand God's love and His grace every time we look at the cross? do we feel the agony the Father felt when His Son was hanging on the cross for our sake? do we look at Christ and say that we want more of Christ rather than any other things? what we need is the cross. thats it. we still got a long way to go.
yes!!!!