havent updated here for a while, suddenly bombarded by many things. the thing is many times i thought of writing them down here, many times it end up being either buried without realizing, or forgotten without knowing. i finally took a day off just to relax and rest at home. i guess im kinda pushed to the limit here physically because of the lack of sleep everyday. i cant even get more than 6 hours, even on the weekend! maybe im doing too much at the moment, but i really dont want to give up any opportunities of fellowship with others, especially when im leaving soon, im not gonna see them for another half year.
just really grateful for those who have been organizing my "farewell tour". you guys are just so awesome, and i really need to apologize for not showing up half of the time because of other commitments. every time, you guys will try really hard to make every moment memorable, make me laugh, surprise me with different things (or attempt to surprise me =P), make me feel like im not just a random friends of yours. as harsh as it might sound, i wish others will do the same too, not that i dont appreciate what you have been doing, but i thought the others would do the same because im important to them, just as they are important to me all these times. all your importance to me wouldnt be cheapen just because of this, but its definitely disappointing. its a shame that im feeling this way because i know its not fair to judge like this, so please forgive me for these harsh words.
for some unknown reason, i have heard and thought about regrets a lot lately. my mom told me her wish for me is not to have any regrets. and then i watched this movie about this guy who will die when he reaches 20, he talked about how he doesnt want any regrets because he knows how long he will live. how different will i live if i only have 20 years (which means i only have 1 more week left)? there still lots of things that i want to do, that i know im not doing or putting the efforts to finish them, or so-called trusting God will take care of them. am i having faith or not wanting to deal with them? i know that i have couple big regrets from the past, something like wish i didnt do this or that. but i feel like im creating regrets at the moment, yet at the same time i think im trusting that God will take care of them. it seems difficult to tell whether im being lazy or having faith. from the other point, what about being patient vs. numb? something like letting my brother lash out, is that being patient, waiting for him to change, or being numb, already gotten used it? am i being patient or im already numb about things?
countdown to HK: 19 days
July 12, 2010
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