A confession to you

if you are reading this right now, yes, this is a confession from me to you, and im serious about this.

if you are reading this right now, i need to thank you from the bottom of my heart cuz it means that im somewhat important in your life and that would be the only reason you are reading this.

if you are reading this right now, i hope that you will read everything, even when some of the things that i say might be shocking and/or offending.

if you are reading this, i give thanks to God for having you in my life. you are important to me.

i think i have been self-centered for the longest time without realizing it, enjoying the attention that i get from you, and slowly developed into addiction, always wanting to taste that attention more and more. and when im not getting it, either i would be upset about it, or i would fall into the trap of self-pity, thinking that you dont care.

i hated it so much when i find out things that i believe i should know already because you should have told me instead of me hearing about it from others. i hated it so much when you talk about things that i have no clue about, either i wasnt inform or i wasnt part of it in the first place. i hated it so much when i have to pretend that im ok on the outside when im not inside. i hated it so much when i have to withdraw myself so that you wouldnt have to see me trying to restrain from tearing. i hated it so much when i have to decline to be part of what you do because i have other obligations.

i guess each of you has something that can only be shared among certain others, which is normal because even i have that. but because ive been addicted to that need of attention, i wanted to be one of the "certain others", i wanted to be special, i wanted to be important. it kind of got out of hand because i think at some point, i even wanted to take over Gods place in your life!! this is serious!! because this is sinning against God, plotting to make others stumble, putting other things before God. praise God that He has already forgiven my sins, and i beg for you forgiveness as well. but its about time to put an end to this.

its not about me, not about you, not about us. its all about God. what about Christ when He was forsaken by the Father? He went through that all by Himself just to save us, bearing what we deserve. we should thank God for having Him to be present in our lives, all the time. i should thank God for having you in my life, because it is a blessing from God. and i thank you for bearing with me all the time. i love you, and this is my confession to you. <3