i have been watching a lot of dramas and movies over break, you all know about it anyways...=P but the thing is that, i tend to enjoy some really sad dramas and movies, because i can cry with those people in the drama without hiding. i can just say, im crying because the drama is so sad, and i feel bad for them! and i feel so much better after i let it out, its like a relief, like going to bathroom, you know?
seeing all those who are lost and hurting in Haiti, i want to cry. every time theres some natural disasters happen in the world, i want to cry when i see all the images and hear about it. this time though, it made me realized that theres no use if im just crying and not doing anything about it. for the longest time, i was deceiving myself, thinking that if i put my feelings away, everything be fine, everything will work out the way it should be, because its not gonna be based on feelings. i forgot that feelings reveal our hearts, reveal the truth about ourselves, reveal our desires, reveal things that we care, reveal things that we hate.
theres nothing wrong with expressing how you are feeling, theres nothing wrong with admitting that you have feelings. we are all human, theres no way we can just pretend that everything is fine because life wont be easy and difficulties will always come up. i remembered that Jesus cried when Nazareth died. the Bible simply said, "Jesus wept." theres no avoidance when it comes to expressing how we feel, whether we are happy or sad, satisfied or frustrated. crying obviously doesnt mean we are weak, it simply means that our hearts hurt and ache for something that we care. Jesus cried because His friend, whom He cares, died. He knows He has the power to raised Nazareth from the death, He knows He will do it, but at that moment, He cried because He cares.
the more important thing is what we do with the feelings. do we just let it control our lives? or do we observe it and realize that something should be done? honestly, i dont know what to do with mine. i cannot foretell whats gonna happen this semester at all. but that doesnt mean that i will just let it consume my life. feelings are from the bottom of our hearts, but our hearts are also deceiving and sinful, hence we cant let it control our actions. all i can do is to trust God with what He has planned for me and continue to praise Him with whatever comes along, serve Him with all my heart, love Him with all I have.
so what that im crying? Jesus is still there to comfort me and my life is still in complete control of God's hand. theres nothing to worry about.
January 23, 2010
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i feel so much better after i let it out, its like a relief, like going to bathroom, you know?
I know what you mean, that is true angel, crying doesn't equal weak and crying can equal strong, because you recognize that you are weak and need of a savior. It takes strong men to realize that they are weak and just cry out to God for grace and mercy. haha kinda contradictory right? But as humans we don't like to expose that we are really weak and we try to stay strong by trying to hold onto our dignity by not crying or showing weakness, but releasing that dignity is a very difficult thing to do. Is that confusing? I think its cuz I used two definitions of weakness haha but you get it. We need God, although its hard to admit that we need Him and try to do things and take care of things on our own.