untitled...

i think working 2 jobs just pushed me to the limit physically and mentally, like it just really makes me completely exhausted. and on top of that, i feel like im becoming depressed, just thinking about that i have to work all the time, like i dont even have time to just sit down and do nothing, or spend some time on things that i like to do. i dont even know what i like to do anymore, not to mention i wouldnt have time even if i want to do something. thats why im spending my time wisely, at least i think i am. when im not working, i just want to spend time with God's people, love and being loved, or i would rest because i dont have much time to sleep in general. but sometimes i really just want a greeting that show cares, even out of the most random time. like today, lee called me out of nowhere, for no particular special reason, but it made me smiled at least because i know that my life is not just about working, and there are people out there who still cares. sometimes i really just want a hug that show understanding, even its just a light one. like i jon hugged me 3 times today because he saw me having a tired face, and even they were just a second long hug, it just makes me feel that someone out there understands what im going through. i was just sad about how these 2 things were not done by the ones that i deeply love, or who i thought love me deeply. maybe i was wrong, thats what i was thinking the whole time, maybe they dont really love me that much, maybe they dont really care that much, maybe it doesnt really matter whether im loved or not. but then i remembered that God loves me at least, and it was God that wiped away my tears today. i know that God will always love me, God will always care about me, God will always be there for me. i just hope that i will always remember that so i wouldnt get stuck in a corner and just think about how sad i am, or how bad is my life, because God has planned my life, and since God is good, my life is good also.