relationships

Lately have been thinking a lot about relationships. No, not THAT kind of relationships, but relationships with people in general, I guess mainly friendships is what I meant to say. Especially after what ya told me about how people think that I have become more closed up after I came back from hong kong, I have been thinking and paying more attention to the friendships that I have with other people. I don’t necessarily agree with me being more closed up, it could be just my inaccurate perceive of myself, but I realized that gap and distance with some people have definitely enlarged, time that we spent together hanging out and conversing have decreased.

What are the causes? Why is that happening? Most of them might have just been the choices that I made on how I spend my time. Time spending definitely contributes to how relationships develop and continue, and because I don’t/can’t spend as much time with some people, it might have been perceived as if I’m deliberately distancing myself from them. It’s frustrating to me sometimes, there are times that I have the “anti-social” moments, but most of the time it’s due to family and church responsibilities, where I really have to choose with the interests of others in mind rather than my own. An example would be my mom’s ridiculous preference of having me go home no matter how late/early it is. I don’t have to strictly follow it, I mean, what can she do if I choose not to comply with that? I’m an adult, I can choose what I want to do and I will certainly take responsibility for my choice, but to me, it is more important to show respect for my mom than satisfying my pleasures (or even needs since we all need companionships). Knowing what my mom have gone through in the past and what she’s going through at the moment, it’s a way to show my love and care for her, even though sometimes I really don’t feel like it.

Coming back from hong kong did changed my perspective on what freedom truly means to me, and how I would use it to maximize my joy and the joy of others, and it is definitely not conforming to my own pleasures. Another thing is the relationships that I have now with the friends in hong kong definitely affect on how do I go about with relationships that I have here. I was a little disappointed though that no one else approaches me with the concerns or take the initiative to address the “problems”, rather just let it grow.

Some other things in mind are the dynamics of relationships in the summer probably foreshadow how we interact with each other once we graduate. As rising seniors, we all know that the day of the end of college life is soon, and if it is difficult already to keep our relationships strong in the summer, just imagine how they would be like once we are graduated and scattered, being busy with our own lives. That raises the question: what are our relationships built on? Are they something that can easily wither and fall?

I’m hesitated in identifying my closest group of friends at the moment, simply because I feel like I don’t know them. Looking back, it’s mostly my fault for not being more engaged with others and putting more effort in getting to know people better. I hope that everyone will reexamine on where is the foundation of our relationships with others. Just like the builders in Jesus’ parable (Matthew 7:24-29, Luke6:46-49), if our relationships are not built on the solid cornerstone, when rain falls, it will wash away everything.