defense system

recently have been more conscious about a bad habit of mine, as one would refer to it as being "passive aggressive". to me, i think its more like "automatic self-defense mechanism". in the back of my mind, i know that my hope should rest in Christ alone, that my greatest joy should be in God, that my God cares and loves me the most that He even died for me, that people will fail me for sure, that they will disappoint me at the end. these things were revealed to me as i go through the time of many disappointments, and essentially i learned the hard way, i learned to turn on the system, to stop expecting from people and eventually losing trust in people because to me trusting is the same thing as putting hope and expectations in them. i didnt like to share my thoughts. i didnt like to talk about myself. i didnt want to love or be loved by others because that would require me to open up. i didnt want people to lead me out of my own high tower on a tightrope but leaving me hanging in the air at the end. slowly, it became an automatic system. no, its on all the time. maybe thats why it drained out the battery, because its not supposed to be on at all time.

i miss the point though, way off.

bottom line, Christ is our hope and we ought to put our hope in Him and in Him only, not that we should stop trusting and loving others and staying in our own little bubbles isolating from each other, but rather because our hope is built on an everlasting covenant that is based on love and grace, we have the confidence and strength to step out and love (and trust) others. Jesus even commands us to love one another as He has loved us!! Christ gave His all because of His love for us, not that we deserve it (we are actually far from that!), but rather He loves us and desire to fellowship with us. biblical fellowship is built on this hope that extends from grace. because we are weak and broken, unable to love, the only way that we can love God and love each other is through Christ.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. (2 Corinthians 12:9)

we actually dont need to turn the defense system on, it has been on for the longest time. we are safe and most importantly saved in His arms.