post-mission part 3

finally part 3, unfortunately, there would have to be a part 4. =P

so after church on sunday, we went to the second camp, which is located about an hour away from chengdu. we thought that it was supposed to be a better camp site, in terms of equipments, yet it turned out that only rooms and the conference rooms have ac, and we only had 1 conference room, so most of us had to find some other places to hold our classes.

we arrived at the camp site earlier than the kids, so we were just relaxing and imagining what the kids are gonna be like for this camp. soon enough, we heard kids coming in, laughing and talking, and some of us saw and met couple of them, which somewhat imitated us because we basically judged them by their appearance. so we pretty much put on our defense gear, attempted to exert the feeling of having higher authority over them. by the end of the night, we had a good perception of what the kids are like: spoiled and arrogant. unfortunately, we were not allow to stay at the place where the kids sleep because the police in the area demanded us to leave and live at a hotel, so we didnt get to spend more time to get to know the kids more.

the next day, we were told that couple of the kids thought that our team was childish and stupid in terms of our actions and the way we treat them. we were asked to behave more in a more matured way. i was somewhat shocked, because i knew i was deliberately acting to be more teacher-like, or you can even say that i was being arrogant in a way. that morning, caleb led us in praise before class. we sang indescribable and power of your love, and while i was still thinking about what they have told us, this line from indescribable just hit me: "You see the depths of my heart and You love me the same, You are amazing God". God knows what i was thinking, that i was trying to beat down the kids so that i can teach them the english lesson, but i have forgotten the reason i was there, i forgot why i went to china, but despite that He still loves me. i was so ashamed when i heard that, and it was even worse when we were singing power of Your love: "hold me close, let Your love surround me, bring me near, draw me to Your side..." and the verses from 1 corinthians 13:1-3 also came into my mind:

" If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing."

all the things that we do wouldnt matter if they werent stem from our love to God, and if we do truly love God, then i should have been more loving towards the kids. i couldnt take the guilt and the shame at that point, so i asked the whole team to gather and pray, which also led to the second point that we didnt pray enough throughout the trip as a team. though i was praying about the frustration we experienced at this camp, deep inside, it wasnt about frustration to me. God blessed me with a class that was cheerful and loved to joke, it wasnt frustrating at all, but i was telling the rest of my team how to take the kids down in order to have their attention during class. that was such a shameful act. i was so forgetful that back in the days, i was just like those kids. i acted exactly like those kids, yet God showed me mercy and grace, in order to get to know Him, in order to realize how sinful i was even as a kid. i felt so ashamed to a point that i couldnt really voice out and pray to God and tears just started to drip down because i thought that my prayer wasnt even worthy of God's listening, but i know that God would still listen to our prayers as long as they are sincerely from our hearts, that He still cares about us, that He would forgive us if we truly confess our sins to Him.

that was a big part in terms of personal experience and encounter of God during the trip, contributing to my spiritual life, though there are more since thats only the beginning of the camp. all of us knew that it would be a long week.

to be continued in part 4.....