let me just talk about my day and then i will go into the part about the leap of faith.....
so, i obviously woke up on time this morning and i called pastor's wife about picking us up, yet, i was so tired that i fell back to sleep and ended up waking up late... and then i fell asleep during sermon, which was really bad.... and we actually went to play tennis after church, which wasn't the best choice, considering the temperature and no breeze, it was so hot... and i was totally exhausted afterward, and i had to go to work, which totally tiring me out... the funny was that alex, my co-worker, had too much yogurt today and ended up having diarrhea when we were trying to clean up and close the store... i finally got my first paycheck!!! yay!!! now i just need to wait for my raise.... =P
last night, i had a somewhat break down, and im actually thankful for it because it definitely draws my attention back to God, and i experienced the peace and joy that i had been missing out for the past couple weeks. moreover, i finally took a step out of my personal bubble and reached out to one of my sister and really just shared my problems. it might not seem like it, but im actually really introverted. i dont like to share my problems with others, and i dont want others to worry about me. some people say that's really independent, but i really think that's just prideful, thinking that i can do it on my own (or in my case, i think i just need God and i don't really need others' company). it's just really foolish of me because the Bible definitely said that we are called to encourage each other and lift each other up and speak truth to each other with love. fellowship is really important!!!!
my sister (in Christ) asked me a really good question: how do you know that's God's plan? maybe He's asking you to move on instead of just stand there and wait. and i was just thinking that might be right because every time that we decided to hold off and wait, things just don't really turn out right, either hurting each others' feelings or hurting other people's feelings. maybe it is time to take a leap of faith and just go on. but i can't really tell if that's truly right either, what if that's my selfish desire that's trying to justify it? i think the hardest part is that both actions are not bad or not wrong in nature, but which one is the one that God's telling me to do? for "this is the confidence we have in approching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us" (1 John 5:14), so if i ask and if it is His will, i know that He will hear me right? i guess all i can do is pray, just pray that God will reveal to me which one is the better choice.
in the mean time, hopefully i can do this:
While I'm waiting- John Waller, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pFwZ7Ekg080
I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait
I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait
I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait....
June 7, 2009
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aww angel dont tire urself soo much! hehe
yea I know what you mean about not sharing problems. But hey remember u used to keep telling me that too about sharing and not holding it in. sometimes i really regret doing that...cuz it really tears ur reputation apart...like it really makes u look stupid and people always look down on you...but yea I think that when i did end up sharing and have my pride destroyed, it really humbled me and helped me learn about how others feel when they share with me as well. and ive developed compassion for people who share with me. Yea it shows ur weakside =/ and so when ppl share with me now, i can be more comforting and more encouraging. heyyy share angel share, were always here to encourage and comfort you =]
angel i will keep u in my prayers, im really inspired or in awe or i really look up to u when u can just be ok so fast. and times when u have breakdowns, ur ok the next day. i find it amazing and encouraging. ur really going through tough times, and its amazing to hear that ur doing ok. sorry if it gets annoying when i ask if ur ok.
u probably realized this already, but its hard for me to be ok after breakdowns, it takes time for me. and when i get hit by triggers, it starts the process all over again, breakdown to feeling better and better then back to breakdown. its really hard for me to just change my emotions like that. like its almost a switch. when ur sad, its almost like u flip a switch, and then ur happy, thats something that i have a hard time doing...i guess as of now, im having the question, "can u still be sad even while ur in God's arms?" like i know Jesus wept, so can it be that ur sad and while God is carrying you, he sees u being sad and as a result is sad too?
ok well angel, stay strong! hang in there, but if u really need someone to be there for u, we'll be here for u and we can fight and grow together =]
aja aja whiting! haha i just had to add it in there =]
awwwww, Angel. Relax a little its summer haha. As for Gods plan for you, continue to seek and he'll gradually reveal his will.
"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be open to you" Matt 7:7
keep your chin up...and stop hanging out in the sun or you'll be toast next time i see you lol