peoples

i guess i just have been blessed by God that most of my co-workers like me.... at least thats what i think... i just feel like that people are really fake sometimes, especially people of this world. for this past couple weeks, i've been seeing co-workers gossiping about each other behind their backs, yet when they are in front the actual people, they pretend to be good friends with them. this is kind of bothering me because i can tell that they are not speaking in truth with love. theres no true love among them, and it just makes me shudder because i've always been around people who show true love. i guess thats why im among them, so that i can show the difference between the worldly lust and the love of God. but still, i feel alone sometimes among them, just because im not part of them, yet i know that what is better and thats enough for me. for the love of God can fill me up and satisfy me. thats all i need.

speaking of love, a friend of mine told me that she had fell in love with the wrong person. can that happen? i mean how do you know if thats the wrong/right person? i guess it just bothers me that she had already been through things like this before but yet she still doesnt understand the origin of the problem. hopefully God can use me to help her, or just bring her back to Him. its just heartbroken to see her going through had times like that, especially when its not even the first, second, or third time. hopefully she will get it this time.

i've been really tired recently. these 2 jobs are just draining so much of my energy and time. like everyday i would just go to work and go home and sleep, and thats pretty much my life. i dont even have the energy to respond emails, do some facebook duties, or even enjoy an episode of drama. sometimes i even have to sacrifice my time at church: friday nights, saturday worship practice, or even sunday school. so im really considering quitting a job. i dont if it is a good idea, if you think about it, at this kind of economy, to be able to have 2 summer jobs is pretty amazing already. plus God asks us to remain in our circumstances even if it is hard to endure, for that is the time when God can do His works through us. i dont know though, need to pray more, more, and more....

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Leap of faith....??

let me just talk about my day and then i will go into the part about the leap of faith.....

so, i obviously woke up on time this morning and i called pastor's wife about picking us up, yet, i was so tired that i fell back to sleep and ended up waking up late... and then i fell asleep during sermon, which was really bad.... and we actually went to play tennis after church, which wasn't the best choice, considering the temperature and no breeze, it was so hot... and i was totally exhausted afterward, and i had to go to work, which totally tiring me out... the funny was that alex, my co-worker, had too much yogurt today and ended up having diarrhea when we were trying to clean up and close the store... i finally got my first paycheck!!! yay!!! now i just need to wait for my raise.... =P

last night, i had a somewhat break down, and im actually thankful for it because it definitely draws my attention back to God, and i experienced the peace and joy that i had been missing out for the past couple weeks. moreover, i finally took a step out of my personal bubble and reached out to one of my sister and really just shared my problems. it might not seem like it, but im actually really introverted. i dont like to share my problems with others, and i dont want others to worry about me. some people say that's really independent, but i really think that's just prideful, thinking that i can do it on my own (or in my case, i think i just need God and i don't really need others' company). it's just really foolish of me because the Bible definitely said that we are called to encourage each other and lift each other up and speak truth to each other with love. fellowship is really important!!!!

my sister (in Christ) asked me a really good question: how do you know that's God's plan? maybe He's asking you to move on instead of just stand there and wait. and i was just thinking that might be right because every time that we decided to hold off and wait, things just don't really turn out right, either hurting each others' feelings or hurting other people's feelings. maybe it is time to take a leap of faith and just go on. but i can't really tell if that's truly right either, what if that's my selfish desire that's trying to justify it? i think the hardest part is that both actions are not bad or not wrong in nature, but which one is the one that God's telling me to do? for "this is the confidence we have in approching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us" (1 John 5:14), so if i ask and if it is His will, i know that He will hear me right? i guess all i can do is pray, just pray that God will reveal to me which one is the better choice.

in the mean time, hopefully i can do this:
While I'm waiting- John Waller, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pFwZ7Ekg080

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait
I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience

While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait....

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Tired Saturday

i woke up late this morning.... and i was late to the camp meeting, felt kind of bad because the director need to catch a plane... but she assigned us tasks to teach the kids, it's gonna be a lot of work... then i went to work today, so tired!!!! it's only the fourth day of my working week, one more to go, but i'm already exhausted... i can't even stand on my feet because they hurt... o yea, i saw nathan at the store today, and apparently he remembers me....haha... and i still haven't gotten my paycheck yet....ahhhhhh, i want my money.... =P

speaking of tired, i'm so tired of that too... i don't know if i can use the analogy of a dead fish though.... like when you take a fish outside of water, it starts to struggle but that's eventually the only thing that it can do, and hence it's pretty much dead.... and i feel like the situation is like that, no matter however much i want to do, it's not gonna help the situation at all, and i feel like 'dead' like the fish.... i don't know, just something pops up in my head....

how about let's share something that God did in my life today?? sooooo, i think i'm really blessed to be able to have a guranteed summer job, which is the summer camp one, even in an economic situation like this. sometimes, we always tend to forget that God knows what we need, and before we realize it, He already gave it to us and more abundantly. so, don't lose heart when you didn't get what you want, because God knows that you don't really need that and He's blessing you in other ways. so, be joyful that God has given you everything you need!!

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